I Couldn't Care Less About You

Shalom!

Moadim lesimcha! I hope the chag is going well and that it will only get better.

We have recently entered the period of the sefirat ha'omer. Many years ago, during this very time period, 24,000 of Rabbi Akiva's students tragically died. 24,000 is a large number - especially when you realize how great each one of them was. Why did they die? The Gemara (Yevamot 62b) says it is because, "they did not honor each other." It seems as though, even though they were unbelievable great people, they were missing something very important - they were missing a sensitivity toward other people's feelings, and were somewhat disrespectful. 

However, if we take a looker deeper at exactly what is written, we can learn something more about what might have been the problem. When the Gemara lists the number of students, it does NOT write "24,000 students;" instead, it writes "12,000 pairs of students." Well, anyone who can do the math knows that 12,000 pairs of students means that there is a total of 24,000. But why does the Gemara write it this way? Why does the Gemara write that 12,000 pairs of students died? Why doesn't is simply write that 24,000 students died during this time period?

Normally, when Torah scholars study, they study with someone else. Each Rabbi has his own, specific study parter (aka "chavruta"). Now, from my personal experience, I can say that it is very difficult to find the correct chavruta. I don't want my chavruta (study partner) to be too much smarter than I, because he is too above me, and it is just a waste of time because he is simply feeding me the information. However, I don't want him to be too much lower than me, either, because then I am spending more time on explaining things to him, as opposed to spending my time learning things for myself. Bekitzur, it's very difficult to find the right one - BUT, once you find the right chavruta, it's only smooth sailing from there. You learn together, you grow together, you know how the other one learns, and it only becomes better as you go on.

Why does the Gemara say that during this time period, 12,000 pairs of students died? This is because each student only cared about his own study partner. Each one showed a tremendous amount of respect for his chavruta, the friend that he spends time studying with. However, when it came to other people, he didn't respect them. Each student cared only about his own chavruta. The Gemara calls them 12,000 pairs because each pair, as a unit, didn't have respect for other pairs - however, they did have respect for each other.

From this, we learn a tremendous lesson. When you think about respecting people, you might think that you should start with your immediate family, your spouse, your siblings, and your best friends. Well, this is a great place to start - but it cannot stop there! You cannot simply show respect for the people who mean the most to you. That is obviously a given, you must respect those who are close to you - but that can be for selfish reasons, as well. Obviously, you must respect your own wife, because otherwise, you yourself will have a terrible relationship. Obviously, you must have respect for your best friend/chavruta, because otherwise, you won't have a real friendship or you won't be about to study effectively with him. However, that is not the test - THE TEST IS TO BE ABLE TO RESPECT AND HONOR EVERYONE. You do not have to be friends with everyone - you don't even have to speak to everyone. There are many people that you might not get along with, and you don't have to force yourself to have a relationship with them. Once again, I repeat - you don't have to be everyone's friend. If there are some people that you know won't get along with, you don't have to spend all your time with them - however, you simply cannot be disrespectful. You must show everyone respect, and must be considerate and be sensitive to everyone's feelings - not just the people who are closest to you.

I find myself saying this a lot - especially during this time of year. However, I always struggle to actually do anything about it. This year, I have thought of a few concrete, very specific examples of this I want to do to show respect to others. It takes time. So here's a challenge - are you up for it? Spend 5-10 minutes thinking about one or two things that you feel that you need to do to be more respectful to others - be as specific as you can. Like, extremely specific - even think about a specific person. And just go from there. Let me know if it works. If it doesn't work, then I need to come up with some better challenges, no?

Chag Same'ach! Enjoy it while it lasts!

Shabbat Shalom!

Sincerely yours,

Avraham Adam Sabzevari

The Foolish Exchange

Hello,


This week, time is running short. I don't have much time to write, especially if I write as long as I normally do, so I will write something very short, to give you food for thought.

In this week's parasha, Parashat Acharei Mot, Hashem tells us something so important that we must tell it over to ourselves every single day, until it is completely engraved into our brains. At this point in the Torah, we are between lands, and we do not yet have our own identity - we have just left Egypt and are about to enter Canaan. This is the beginning of the formulation of our nation/religion. We're a bunch of rookies at this. We're are a bunch of rookies at life on our own. It is only natural to have questions of how to live as a people, which customs to adopt, what lifestyles to live. And, it is only natural to decide upon a specific lifestyle based on whom we see, whom we compare ourselves to. That being the case, it only makes sense that we would compare ourselves to Egyptians and to the Canaanites, which are the only other nations we know. Just imagine, we only know how to be slaves at this point, we don't know how to think for ourselves. Everything we think, everything we do - it is because that is how the Egyptians thought and did.

"You shall not do the actions of the land of Egypt, where you have dwelt; and you shall not do the actions of the land of Canaan, which I will now bring you there, and do not walk with their customs. Keep My laws and my statutes, to walk with them; I am Hashem. Keep my statues and my laws, to do them and to live by them; I am Hashem" (Vayikra 18:3-5).

Hashem tells us not to live our lives the way the Egyptians live and not to follow the customs of the Canaanites. Instead, He teaches us to adopt customs of our own: Do and keep the Torah and mitzvot. Let the Torah give you customs. Adopt a lifestyle offered by Hashem through the mitzvot. Live by Hashem's laws, statutes, and Torah.

This is so important, because we must realize that we don't want to be like anyone else. We are the chosen nation, the chosen people. And others will be jealous of us and hate us for it - but that doesn't take it away from us. People can hate us all they want, but that will never make us "less chosen." What makes us "less chosen" is when we decide to give up the Torah to adopt their lifestyles, when we give up the mitzvot to spend our time doing what they're doing. By doing so, we are giving up that very gift that sets us apart from the rest of the world. Why would anyone ever do that? You have an opportunity to be gifted with the best way of life, and you want to give it away for a more popular lifestyle, even though it's worthless?

Next time you want to do something that you know Moshe Rabbeinu wouldn't do or go somewhere that you know Moshe Rabbeinu wouldn't go, remind yourself that you are trading in a whole lot of gold for a small amount of plastic.

Sincerely,
Avraham Adam Sabzevari

I Don't Give a Darn!

Dearest subscribers,

This past week, I was privileged enough to attend two weddings. It gives me a chance to share in someone's joy on the happiest day of his life. (Actually, we hope that his wedding day will not be the happiest day of his life. We hope that he will continue to become happier and happier as time goes on. So to correct my sentence, it gives me a chance to share in someone's joy on the happiest day of his life yet.) But for some reason, these weddings always give me an idea of what it is like to fight in a war, on the battlefield. I have no clue what the dancing is like amongst the women - but when it comes to men's dancing, it is straight up dangerous. It always starts off in an organized fashion, with all the men holding hands, running around in a circle. But suddenly, not even 30 seconds in, everyone heads straight for the center - the weaker ones are left out. As you try to get back into the circle, you will take a few hits... that's just the way it is. And what's the deal with the heels? For some reason, everyone feels the need to jump as high as he can, and inevitably, he lands on someones toes - really painful. And it's all mixed up and disorganized, until someone drops his glasses or his cell phone (or his computer, as with modern technology, you can carry anything with you wherever you go - what do you need a mini computer for on a dance floor? Who knows?) The owner of the phone jumps on his phone - a scene that looks like a football player diving for a loose fumble. And then, there are always those really, really happy guys, that for some reason, are so happy that they can't stop laughing and pushing and twirling around in cirlces. (This might also have to do with a trip that they made to the bar earlier on in the night, but it might be coming from some inner happiness that they have for the bride and groom. Although, I am not sure how this inner happiness would give them this distinct smell coming from their mouths.)
Either way, being part of such dancing is really loads of fun, not to mention that it is a way to fulfill the mitzvah of "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" - Ve'ahavta le're'acha kamocha (Rambam). It is a way to make the bride and groom happy on their night. You are giving from yourself, to share in their happiness.

And once I'm speaking about "giving from yourself," I would like to share a thought on this week's parasha that is connected.

As I wrote last week, there are many causes for the spiritual/ physical disease called tzara'at (see http://www.adamstorah.blogspot.com/). The Torah tells about the processes one must undergo when he sees a specific type of discoloration on his skin, on his clothing, and even on his house.  One of the causes for this horrific disease is miserliness. What is miserliness? Being selfish. This is the trait of holding everything to yourself, what's mine is mine. "After all, I worked hard for this, I paid for this with my own money, I am entitled to this, why should I give this to anyone else?" This makes sense, and I'm sure we all came across this thought at some point or another. However, this trait of being selfish and being miserly is absolutely terrible. In fact, our Rabbis explain that this is precisely why one would receive tzara'at on his house, because he thinks that he really owns his house, and that it belongs solely to him. Hashem ironically plagues his house with discoloration - that'll show you whose house this really is. Also, a person might take pride in his own clothing and will never stop to think that perhaps there are some people who don't have any clothing. Tzara'at is supposed to lead one to realize that he should be more giving, should open up his hand a little more, and should stop being so selfish.

There is an unbelievable story brought down in the Gemara (Megillah 28a) that I would like to share with you. Earlier on in Rabbi Akiva's life, there was a great Rabbi who was well and alive at a very old age, and his name was Rebbi Nechunya HaGadol. Rabbi Akiva asked Rebbi Nechunya HaGadol why he lived such a long life. Rebbi Nechunya HaGadol's students thought that Rabbi Akiva was being disrespectful, so they chased after him with bludgeons and were going to beat him for being disrespectful to their rabbi. Rabbi Akiva, being the agile fellow that he was, climbed a tree and sat up there so that the students couldn't reach him. From on top of the tree, he explained that he was interested in what Rebbi Nechunya HaGadol did in his life to merit to live such a long life - he was, in fact, sincere, and wanted to learned. When Rebbi Nechunya HaGadol realized that Rabbi Akiva was sincere, he told his students not to beat him (whew, that was close), and told him the three things that he always did in his life that merited him to live a long life. In merit of these three traits, he lived to a long old age. Two of the three were: I never accepted a gift from anyone else, and I was very liberal (giving) with my money. Rebbi Nechunya HaGadol said that he was able to live a long life because he was always giving, wasn't selfish, didn't hold things for himself. He never even accepted a gift from anyone, because his nature was not that of a taker but that of a giver.

Let me ask you a question. Do you think that you gain when you are selfish? By holding things to yourself, do you end up with more? You might answer, quite obviously, yes, I do gain - the less you give, the more you have. This actually makes sense and is, in fact, true. "A penny saved is a penny earned." This is a fact. However, what if I told you that it will shorten your life? What if I told you that you will live longer if you become more of a giver? Or even better, what if I told you that the quality of your life would improve if you are a giver. **Important: If you are, by nature, a taker, you can only be disappointed - the more you have, the more you want. On the other hand, if you are naturally a giver, you will be happier, have less expectations in life, you will live a longer life (quantitatively), and you won't get tzara'at (when and if it ever returns), which means you will live a better life (qualitatively).
When wanting to become a giver, it is only difficult at the beginning. The more you give, the easier (and more pleasurable) it will become. Try it. I dare you!


Shabbat Shalom!
Sincerely yours,
Avraham Adam Sabzevari