I am sitting here, on the last day of the year, thinking of something to write. I've got nothing. Writer's block. Thinking about this makes me think, "Gosh, if it's the end of the year, and I have nothing to say, something must be wrong." And I guess something is wrong. Normally, what I do is I open a chumash, look over the parasha, and see if I have something nice to write about. If that fails, I will start looking up different sefarim. And, B"H, there is no shortage of Torah (quite the opposite, actually), so I always find something. So why can't I find something this week? Because there is no Parashat Hashavua.
You might be thinking, "Where is he going with this?" So am I.
Allow me to share with you an epiphany that I have just undergone.
This thought of, I have nothing to write about, makes me thing, "Why not? You learn a good amount, right? Why don't you have something to write?"
At the end of the day, you have to have something that will show that you've gained, that you have grown, that you possess something more than the average person, or than your average-self. You have to have something concrete, something that you can point to and say, "LOOK! Look what I can do! Look what I've accomplished."
It's never too late. The best thing would be to be able to pick something up and say, "Look what I've accomplished." It can be a sefer. Pick up the sefer and say to yourself that you've gone through this. It can be a picture of a family that you helped out through tough times. It can be an email that you decided that you will send out to spread Torah learning (good idea, no? you should try it). But you should have something for yourself. Can you go into the Day of Judgement and have nothing big to plead your case? Is it possible to stand in front of your Creator for inspection, for Him to determine if you should be granted yet another year, and you have nothing to say for yourself? It's a scary thought. It scares me a little. But a little fear may be the spark that starts the flame. We all should have that one thing - at least one thing - that we can call our own. Some mitzvah that we adore and would walk a thousand miles to fulfill. (My thoughts my be drifting from where I started off, but remember, I'm thinking of this as I go.) Example: Birkat Halevana. Every month, as the moon is waxing (becoming full), we go out and make a beracha to Hashem for the moon, one of the many gifts He bestows upon us. A person can say, "This will be my mitzvah. This is what I'll have to take with me at the end of year. If it means that I will have to rent out a helicopter to go above the clouds because I'm gonna miss it otherwise, so be it. Maybe I'll even buy the helicopter. But at the end of the day, I'll be able to say, 'This mitzvah is mine.'" It can be simply saying good morning. "I will never - ever - ignore a person I see between the hours of 6 AM and 12 noon. I will make sure to wish him a good morning. And if I don't know him, maybe I'll get to know him because of this. But I will say good morning to everyone."
What's my point? It's very easy to let things fly. It's very easy to be taken, to go with the flow. And we really should be in charge of our entire lives. But that's easier said than done. So let's start with one project. Just one. Right now, I am asking you - yes, you - to do the following: think. Think of one thing that you've been wanting to improve. Maybe it's praying out of a siddur as opposed to by heart, because we all know that we skip words when we do that. Maybe it's praying with a minyan, three times a day. You will pay 9 guys if you have to get a minyan. Maybe it means you will finish a certain sefer by such-and-such date. Maybe it's to stop using unclean language. Maybe it's to stop wasting your time doing _________ (fill in the blank).
I'm asking you to make now the time that you start to perfect that one thing. Anything. But aim for perfection, and be satisfied with nothing less.
"Look what you did." This feeling is the fuel that gets you going. Accomplishment is happiness. Knowing that you make a difference is the best feeling in the world. So please, don't just leave right now. It's the day before the Day of Judgement. Think. Think of something that you will do, write it down, and get to work. If you want more ideas, email me and I'll be glad to make a list together with you.
Be'ezrat Hashem, if Hashem sees that we take Him seriously, and we decide to make changes for Him, He will change everything in our favors on this Day of Judgement.
Tizku leshanim rabot, ne'imot vetovot!
Thank you very much for an amazing year!
And please forgive me if I have offended anyone in anyway. [We all know that I've only made you laugh. But maybe the incessant laughing hurt you. How would I know?] But please to forgive me, and I forgive everyone.
Shana Tova,
Shabbat Shalom,
Avraham Adam Sabzevari
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