Enough With the Positive Talk!

Hello all,

I'm not sure about you, but I smell the matzah in the air. Actually, the smell of matzah is mixed in with the smell of maror, and I smell some charoset, too. Actually - I smell none of them - but I make myself think that I can smell them, because Pesach is right around the corner. I'm very excited for Pesach. One of the mitzvot that we have on the night of Pesach is to speak about the miracles that occurred during our exodus from Egypt. Get this - there is a mitzvah to tell over stories! In the spirit of story-telling, I will write about a story, one that we can learn a lot from.

This week's parasha, Parashat Tazria, includes many laws about tzara'at. Tzara'at is a spiritual, skin-disease. Why would someone get this disease? Well, the Torah doesn't tell us why. All the Torah tells us is the laws of how to deal with it when one gets it. But our Rabbis (Masechet Erachin (15b)) tell us seven causes for this disease of tzara'at. The seven reasons are: murder, adultery, pride, theft, stinginess, a vain oath, and for the sin of lashon hara (gossip/slander/bad-mouthing/whatever you want to call it).

Each of these seven sins are important to think about, and one must make sure to rid himself/herself from any trace of these sins. See, nowadays, no one actually gets tzara'at. It used to be that when people would receive tzara'at, they would realize that they are doing something wrong; this would (hopefully) inspire them to change, to improve, to better their ways. However, nowadays, we don't have such a kindness from Hashem. Receiving tzara'at is a blessing in disguise that we no longer are privileged to. Therefore, it is our responsibility to make sure we are clear of any of these sins. Pride - realize that even if you think you are better than someone else, you have a different role to play - and if you don't meet your maximum potential, you are, in fact, worse than the next guy. Theft - realize that if you work for someone, and you take breaks or personal calls, more than you are granted by your employer, you are doing something wrong. Stinginess - realize that you should not keep your fists clenched but open up a little bit, even if it means that you have to give a little - maybe if you give a little more than other people deserve, than Hashem will give you a little more than you deserve, too. 

From all of these sins, the one most associated with tzara'at is the sin of lashon hara. You shouldn't speak bad about people. But it doesn't end there - you shouldn't speak about people in a sarcastic tone, with rolling your eyes, winking and laughing at people, etc. There are many laws about lashon hara, and it is very easy to justify speaking negatively about others. The only way you can actually guard yourself from such a sin is by studying the laws. Believe me, if you leave it to your own judgment, you will most probably speaking about things that you shouldn't be speaking about. 

There is an unbelievable story brought down in the Gemara (Bava Batra 164b), which can help us be more sensitive and considerate regarding our speech. One Rabbi, Rabbi Shimon was sitting in front of his Rabbi, Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi. They were learning Tehillim together. As they are finishing up, Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi says, "How neat is this handwriting!" In a time before publishers, everything was written by hand. And, I guess the schooling of penmanship needed some work, because people simply did not write neatly. Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi enjoyed the book they were using because it was written so neatly and with such beautiful writing that was extremely pleasant to look at. To this wonderful compliment, Rebbi Shimon responds, "Oh, I did not write this...It was Rebbi Yehuda Chayata who wrote it." Rebbi Shimon said which scribe wrote with this beautiful handwriting. Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi angrily snaps back, "Why are you telling me lashon hara? Enough with this evil speech!"

The Gemara does not understand why Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi responded the way he did. Rebbi Shimon simply said the name of the scribe! That wasn't anything bad! On top of that, not only was it not bad, but it was even a compliment. Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi complimented the scribe, stating that he writes beautifully, and Rebbi Shimon tells him who this who this wonderful scribe is. But for some reason, Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi did not want to hear a name. Even though it was a compliment, he was upset with his student when he mentioned a name. Why?

The Gemara explains, "A person should never excessively compliment someone in front of others, because complimenting him might lead to speaking ill about him." We've all been somewhere at some point when someone compliments someone else, and a pessimistic fellow from the crowd jumps up and says, "Yeah, but he's no so good in something else....etc." For example, I've heard people say, "So-and-so issuch a great Torah reader. He's got a beautiful voice, it makes me want to listen to Torah all day long!" A second person says, "Yeah, but he makes too many mistakes. If only he would practice a little more, he would be perfect!!! I mean, don't get me wrong, he's the best that I know - but he's still got some work to do." When the first guy introduces a compliment, it might lead to someone else speaking lashon hara. Even though you might think that I am not responsible for what the next guy says, if I begin the conversation, I am held responsible.

In this story, Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi didn't want to hear a name, because the second you mention a name, maybe we know something else about him, and we will start thinking bad about him. It's better not to mention his name altogether.

When I first learned this Gemara, I took a tremendous lesson from this. Very often, you will be sitting amongst a group of people, speaking compliments about someone else. And you are only speaking positive things! Compliments all around. Is this lashon hara? No, so you will continue speaking about it, and you will rationalize to yourself that not only is this permitted, but it's a good thing to speak of others' compliments. However, I learned from this Gemara that such is not the case. It's best not to focus on other people AT ALL. You don't know what this might lead to. You can't control what everyone else will say. 

I know that this is very difficult. Never to speak about anyone else? Even compliments? What should we speak about? Trees? We must speak about people!!! Well, our Rabbis explain that it is okay to speak of compliments, but not excessively. If you see yourself speaking excessively about someone else, realize that it's time to change the subject. 

Be'ezrat Hashem, we will all be able to control our speech. And if we prevent ourselves from speaking of positive compliments in excess, I bet you that you will think twice before speaking ill about others.

Sabbatical Salutations!

Sincerely yours,

Adam Sabzevari